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Entry 1: What a day, wow! The trip to Portugal was exhausting (especially my connection in Philadelphia, that was really rough) and took a lot out of me, but I’m finally here! Ever since I was a young kid, I’ve dreamed about coming to Portugal. It’s taken me a lot of false starts in life, but I can’t believe I’m going to be a baker’s assistant on a small town off the coast – I can’t remember what its name was since my Portuguese is not very good – just a perfect place to start a new life! Currently I’m staying with a friend in Lisbon, it’s such a beautiful city with its coastal views (almost reminds me of the Bay Area), but after having such bad luck living from city to city, I just want to return to a tranquil sense of a small village again. Peace, here I come!
Entry 2: It was a scenic drive up the Atlantic coast, and I’m so glad to have finally arrived. The village itself only has a thousand or so people, but the transit systems are better in Portugal so I’m not too far away from a city or so in case I ever feel bored. But the weather is so lovely, the ocean is blue as can be, and the people are incredibly friendly, so what do I have to get bored about? I moved in above the small bakery in town; the main woman who runs the bakery is a lady in her fifties and has a fiery temper. Her name is Maria, and Maria doesn’t seem to be all that approving of a random, dorky American man suddenly becoming her new assistant. However, her daughter named Giovana, who was about my age and had just gotten back home from university for the summer, has seemed to really like me. My Portuguese is very poor, and Maria’s English is even poorer, but Giovana is nearly fluent in both languages so she acts a nice intermediator between us two. She even called me cute! Whaaaat!? I’ve always been sort of a shy person, so I’m really not used to being called cute. But it didn’t come off like she was trying to form a relationship with me, it was just a platonic compliment. Maybe it’s a Portuguese thing. Anyways, I have so much hope for the future; I’m so glad I’ve left my old life behind and I’m ready to start anew.
Entry 3: It’s been a few days now in this small village and I think I’ve started to get a grasp on the baking that goes on. Even though it’s a small town that has a supermarket, both locals and tourists line up around the block to get some pastries and sweet bread every morning, right out of our brick oven. Yup, it’s a pretty rustic little bakery, but this is a pretty rustic little village, so it’s only fitting. Definitely been kind of tough getting used to all of these old-style ovens from the higher-tech stuff I used to practice in back home. But it’s worth it. Have you ever had a good pastel de nata straight out of the oven? Mmmmmm….oh sorry! Where was I? Anyways I’ve struck up a good friendship with Giovana, we talk hours and hours about…anything really, from weather to movies to art to bread. I’m surprised at how much we have in common, she’s really like the best childhood friend I’ve had all my life. Except that I just met her a few days ago. She always makes sure to feed me all these really great pastries she makes, she says that they are made with a “special ingredient” to get me adjusted to my new life. That was so sweet of her! I just feel so…calm….just so at peace with the world at large. I don’t know whether it’s the ocean, or the friendliness of this village, or to be able to live a new life, but I’ve developed an optimism on life that I haven’t had in ages.
Entry 4: I think my body has started to change in weird ways lately, it’s strange but I’m oddly…appreciative of it? I feel a lot more delicate now, my hair also seems thicker than usual. Maybe it’s the new water in the showers reacting with my shampoo? Huh. Anyways, Maria seems to warming up to me a lot more, she’s taught me a lot more about baking bread in the last week or so than I’ve ever have in my whole life! I’m so happy, Maria and Giovana are such great people to be living with! Giovana brought over one of her friends from uni today, he’s a tall boy from the town named Joao who’s also visiting. When we first met, I felt a strong connection to him too…but in a different way from Giovana. I…I’ve just been so overwhelmed with beautiful feelings lately. It’s just so amazing.
Entry 5: My appearance is changing for sure, people at the bakery are even starting addressing me as a girl! I’ve surely become a lot more androgynous-looking, my body has slimmed out quite a bit, my skin is much softer, and my hair has grown a lot! It’s almost past my shoulders now. Maybe I should get a haircut soon. Anyways, today has been another beautiful day! Maria says I’ve really come a long way with my bread, it’s not quite to her (admittedly pretty rigid) standards, but I still really appreciate her craft and her dedication to baking. Maria, Giovana, and I are now as close as ever; I feel like they’re my family now. Giovana decided to take my shopping around the town square today. It’s an incredibly beautiful plaza, but what really took me off guard was how Giovana took me into this small little clothing store…and bought a dress for me! What took me even further off guard was how good I looked in it! She encouraged me to change into it and walked around town square. I passed completely, nobody would guess that I was a guy…if I still am one technically. I also got to know Joao a lot more, he’s incredibly sweet and even told me that I was cute! What!?! It felt…nice however. We share a lot in common, as he loves to bake too, but only as a hobby. I really have made a new life for myself! I don’t even want to think about my past life, all I want to think about is Giovana and Maria, and the bakery, and Joao, and the beautiful Atlantic coast that you can see clearly from the village.
Entry 6: Well, I’m officially a girl now! I woke up this morning to find that my anatomy has completely changed. I probably should’ve visited a doctor about this, but I did say that I wanted to start my life over again, so I’m just going to roll with the changes. Giovana and Maria are both doing a lot to help me embrace my feminine side. They’ve let me use a lot of their makeup and old dresses, and so far I find that I have such a passion for that stuff! I remember back in America, when I was a young kid, I was always interested in makeup, but I pushed it out of my mind because it didn’t feel like people would accept me if I did. Now so many customers have given me compliments about how I look. I hear the villagers talk about “that cute new American girl” that works at the bakery! It’s all very surreal, but somehow I’m enjoying it. I find myself talking to Joao a lot more than I already have. He even invited me out to dinner at a nice café and gave me a rose! What a gentleman. I really hope I get to see him soon…am I…falling in love with him? You know what, yes, I am! I’ve pretty much tossed away all of my masculinity now, so why not just admit that I’m in love with a guy. And also that I’m a girl too.
Entry 7: I feel so amazing! This was by far the single best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life. I’m baking amazing breads and pastries everyday with two of the kindest people I know, I look pretty, I’m dating a cute boy, and I live in a beautiful village in Portugal! Oh yeah, me and Joao are together now! We like to spend a lot of our days on the beach, talking to each other about life as the sun sets. He is just such a handsome man, I’m so glad to be with him! Oh geez, I sound so girly saying that. But it’s ok, since I am one now, like what have I got to lose? It’s just such a therapeutic environment I am, with that crisp Iberian sun, the crystal blue coast, and all of the lovely rustic houses and village. It’s like it’s from a Ghibli movie! I…I just don’t know if I can convey how grateful I am for this to all have happened to me. I don’t even know how I transformed, but I don’t even want to know anymore. I’m just…myself now. Finally, after all of these years.
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original drawing: twitter.com/Kaisen_Tobiuo/stat…
all credit for images goes to the original artist
